How to tell if your child is drinking
85HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CHILD IS DRINKING
Parents sometimes can't tell if their child is drinking or on drugs. Here are some of the signs you should be on the lookout for.
The Nose Knows
Your teenage son or daughter after a night out with the his/her friends. How do you know if he/she was drinking or smoking? Make a point of having a conversation -- not a yelled conversation through various rooms and closed doors, but a real, face-to-face conversation.
If your child has been drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, or marijuana, the smell will be on his/her breath. Any smoke he/she's been around will also soak into the clothing and hair. That's not necessarily a sign of personal guilt, but if it's pot smoke you smell, you have the right to be alarmed; even if he/she wasn't smoking it himself/herself, he/she was with peers who were. You should also be suspicious if your teen enters the house chomping on a fresh wad of spearmint gum or smelling of freshly applied lotion or perfume. He/she's probably trying to cover up a telltale odor.
Take a Closer Look
If your teenager is using or abusing an illegal substance, there's probably visual evidence to support it too. While you're chatting with him/her after he/she gets back from going out with his/her friends, take a close look. Pay attention to the eyes -- they tend to reveal any substance use.
If he/she's been smoking marijuana, his/her eyes will be red and heavy lidded with constricted pupils. If he/she's been drinking alcohol, his/her pupils will be dilated, and he/she may have difficulty focusing on you. In addition, alcohol has the effect of giving a red, flushed color to the face and cheeks.
There are also telltale signs of more serious drug use. Intravenous drug use leaves track marks, not only on the arms, but occasionally other places like the legs. Long sleeves in scorching hot summer weather may be an attempt to hide something. Snorting cocaine causes nosebleeds and eventually eats away at the septum inside the nose.
Finally, if there are strange burns on his/her lips or fingers, he/she may be smoking a substance through a hot glass or metal pipe. Sores or spots around the mouth along with paint stains on the body or clothing, a chemical odor or a runny nose can also indicate inhalant use, the practice of inhaling the fumes from household chemicals for a high. Ecstasy causes involuntary teeth clenching, increased affection and a loss of inhibitions. Also look for a fascination with sights and sounds, excessive water consumption and child-like toys.
Mood Changes
Okay, the scenario is the same as above; your son/daughter has just gotten back from a night out with his/her friends. How is he/she acting? Is heshe loud and obnoxious, or laughing hysterically at nothing? Is he/she unusually clumsy to the point where he/she is stumbling into furniture and walls, tripping over his/her own feet and knocking things over? Is he/she sullen, withdrawn, and unusually tired and slack-eyed for the hour of night? Does heshe look queasy and stumble into the bathroom?
These are all signs that he/she could have just been using some kind of illegal substance: alcohol, marijuana, or something else. You shouldn't read too much into a slight mood change after he/she gets home from being with his/her friends, but you should be on the lookout for unusual or extreme behavior. You should also pay attention to your teenager's behavior over time.
If your teenager has become silent, angry, withdrawn, and uncommunicative, and this has lasted for at least a few weeks, something else is going on. He may get angry if you try to reach out to him, and insist that you leave him alone, but you need to find out what's going on. Although a child can be moody for a number of reasons, you should certainly consider the possibility that he/she has formed a habit of substance use.
Car Accidents
For many older teens, their cars are their lives. If you suspect your teenager has been using illicit substances recently, see if the car has any clues to offer. Maybe his/her driving is noticeably more reckless when he or she is coming home after being with friends. Maybe there's a new dent in the front of the car and he/she claims he/she knows nothing about it.
If you're suspicious, examine the inside of the car too; most teens are pretty sloppy about cleaning the inside of their car. Does it smell like marijuana smoke or alcohol fumes? Are there any bottles, pipes, bongs, or other drug paraphernalia rolling around on the floor or hidden in the glove box? If you find anything, challenge him/her on it immediately: be forthright, and tell him/her exactly what you've discovered and why you're concerned.
Deceit or Secretiveness
Suddenly, you find your normally honest child lying to you all the time. His/her evening and weekend plans are starting to sound a little fishy; being vague about where he/she is going or his/her alibis don't work. He/she says that parents will be at the parties he/she's going to but can't give you a phone number, and comes home acting intoxicated. He/she gets in way past the curfew or estimated time, giving endless string of excuses. Even if you find evidence of substance use -- drunken or high behavior, a beer can or a marijuana rolling paper in her room - he/she's got someone or something else to place the blame on. When excuses fail, the response is that it's none of your business. Something is wrong, and you need to figure out what he/she's really up to.
Decreased Motivation
Your child's grades start falling and there's no obvious reason for it. You're given a weak explanation and assured that he/she can handle the situation but is not. He/she may be skipping school and spending less and less time on the homework. And he/she appears to be losing interest in other activities as well.
You're getting calls from teachers, coaches, principals, all saying the same thing: that your teenager has been skipping his classes, activities, or practices, and he/she's not putting in any effort when he/she's there. This could be a sign of a real substance abuse problem, where the desire to get drunk or high has taken top priority in his/her life.
Missing Alcohol, Cigarettes, Money or Valuables
For the teen who's looking to get drunk or buy drugs, their parents' house can be a gold mine of resources. Nearly all parents keep some sort of alcohol in the house, whether it's six-packs of beer, a rack of wine bottles, or a cabinet featuring an assortment of liquor. Teens will start stealing this alcohol, hoping their parents won't miss it, or filling liquor bottles back up with water to bring them to the original level. If one or both of their parents smokes cigarettes, they can always take some from the pack. If they need money to buy drugs, then they'll start going through their parents' wallets, stealing bills, or else will steal valuables like jewelry and heirlooms to pawn for money.
You should always keep track of the alcohol in the house. If you notice anything missing or your liquor tastes suspiciously watery, you should lock it up so your teen can't get to it. If your child is stealing cigarettes and you don't approve of him/her smoking, don't leave packs out where he/she can get to them. And in all these instances, particularly when money or valuables are being stolen, you need to confront him/her immediately. He/she must be aware that you know what is going on and you won't tolerate it.
Cash Flow Problems
You know something is going on when your money starts disappearing. There are other money-related ways to detect this sort of problem too. Obviously, drugs and alcohol cost money, and even seemingly inexpensive substances add up over time. Your child may work a part-time job after school, but he/she's probably not earning much more than minimum wage.
If you find that he/she is increasingly concerned about getting more money but volunteers no explanation as to why, you should wonder what he/she's spending it on, especially if there's no new items. It may be that the money is being used to support his/her substance use. On the other hand, if he/she suddenly seems to have a whole lot more money, way beyond what he/she reasonably should in his/her circumstances, consider that he/she could be dealing drugs. Under these circumstances, a room search may be justified.
Change in Friends
You notice that your teenager is hanging out with a different peer group. Sure, it's normal for teenagers to make new friends, but these friends worry you for some reason. Perhaps these new friends are older and seem to be independent, with less parental supervision and less interest in school.
They might be making poor choices and getting involved in questionable activities. Maybe you've even suspected they were high or drunk when you were talking to them. Whatever the case, your teen will probably defend his/her new choice in friends, they are more fun and understanding. But if you've got a feeling they're up to no good, keep your eyes and ears open, and go with your instincts.
If you see all these signs in your child, then you can be sure that definitely, your child is using alcohol or drugs. Confront him/her, but not in a quarrelsome way; talk to him/her and if possible, try and get help.
You might want to read some of the comments. They have some really helpful tips and some remarks are really insightful, from different walks of life, I would say.
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thanks lots
Great tips for any parent, but when I used to drink and come home, my parent's never smelled it on me... Or at least they never said anything if they did...
lol maybe don know y they didnt say. up to them. but u can def smell. i smell alcohol on my hubby if he's drinkin. hehehe even a little bit, esp whiskey, u cansmell.
Thanks - great information. Now, how to get close enough to sniff teen without arousing their suspicion!
hahaha u don't have to even smell; when you're breathing in, if they have been drinking, esp quite an amt, then u'll def get a distinct smell. i know this one cos my hubby drinks. grins
great Hub, sminut! Lots of good information.
thanks for your compliment inspirehub. really appreciate it.
Weed is not bad for you. www.norml.com www.abovetheignorance.com
Great hub - unfortunately my son is exhibiting almost all of the signs but won't admit to anything apart from smoking regular cigarettes and the odd beer! So now what to do?????
it's tough if your son is in his teens. try to catch him red handed. grins he won't have any choice but to confess then. but don't pressurize him too much too as some people tend to get even more rebellious. but it all depends on the individual. i hope it works out for you. good luck and thanks for your comments.
oh great information its good
thanks so much. i really appreciate it. have a good day.
WOW what a great informative HUB. My kids are pretty much grown, but I have to say this guide is a great asset for all parents who have children in this dangerous world that we live in.
I love DRUGS and neither this or any other HUB for that matter will stop me. Parents good work not trusting your children and invading their privacy, I believe that these tips will definitely help catch your hoodilum kids.
Sincerely,
The U.S. Government
P.S.-Crack is Whack
my2cents, thanks so much for your comments. i hope so as well that this may come in handy to others though i admit it's not as well written as other hubs out there.
thanks usealltheway for your comment. well every one has their own thoughts and no one can do anything about that. this hub is not really about not trusting your children. it's cool if they use it at their limits, personally ihave no objection. but there are kids who actually beat up their parents in their drunken state. of course, parents might be at fault too it all depends on situations.
but this hub was wriiten when i heard a similar story about a daughter beating up her mum cos she couldn't drink. but thanks for your comment. i appreciate it, though it might be negative. not all think the same way.
how i found out my son was using pot is i came early one day and i went to the back yard and i found him skoking pot.
wow you actually caught him red handed. in a way it's good cos he can't bluff it out. thanks so much for responding.
err the only thing is. i'm pretty sure weed makes your puples big. its the only depresent that does that.
you mean pupils in the eyes??? i had no idea, thanks for sharing^_^
If you are wondering where your kids are hiding their stash, if they have celing tiles, look above them. That is where some kids think is a safe place. Or a concrete ledge in the wall. Like behind a heating duct or something. Hope it helps.
wow sammajamma, of course it helps. i had totally no idea about those places. it never even crossed my mind. thanks lots and thanks for your comments.
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Actually, alcohol dialates pupils
you guys are ridiculous im a teenager and thanks to this site ive found out how not to get caught
no wonder the eyes look so glazed. it's because of that huh mamisalami, thanks. haha real, these are like maybe the basics only. you might want to follow all these so that you don't get caught but, somehow sooner or later, you will be found out:P you're still a teenager, pls don't tell me that you drink??? hope not, thanks for responding^_^
Thank you so much! Thanks to your site i realized that my Daughter was doing some drugs and drinking. As i was reading your tips, she came stumbling in the house with a bottle of gin screaming about Gary Busey.. huh? She then proceeded to vomit all over my newly carpeted living room and threw her bottle of gin through our new flat screen tv. When she finally regained her balance i noticed she was involuntarily grinding her teeth and sniffling constantly. I then shown an LED light into her eyes and her pupils did not dilate. As i went to grab her arm a baggy of white substance and a baggy with little white pieces of paper(presumably LSD) fell out of her fanny pack. She had never shown signs of this until this night.. ps.. she was homecoming queen and president of her class so this could be your daughter!!!!
i'm glad that you found out what was going on. i hope that you yourself are coping well too. i was actually trying to find tips on this so that i could know what my husband was up to and had to do a little research thus learning a lot. and so i decided to share this article in the best way i knew how. i agree that this can be my daughter as well. we should always be vigilant as parents. i wish the both of you well.
hahahaha I smoke and drink and Ive never once been caught, of course my parents are suspicious but it is quiet east to hide the signs of being stoned or on drugs...being drunk is hard to cover up though
these are pointless, ima teen and these only help me cover it up, and if your kid is smart enough he will be imaginative and figure out ways to hide it. It's really not that hard, and I have to correct the point someone made about your eyes being dilated because of weed, it's only when you're high, afterwards maybe a bit red. Smell's a dead giveaway, but if you already wear cologne or deodorant there's no problem in putting on a bit more. Weed isn't dangerous, less harmful than alcohol, nicotine or even coffeine. Let the kid toke up occasionally, and don't invade his privacy, it'll only push him further away from you. I smoke and still have a healthy relationship with my family, overuse of alcohol is a different thing though, as well as hard drugs.
This is a very good parent guide. I am actually a teen who drinks and smokes in moderation. Growing up in Puerto Rico with an un-enforced drinking and smoking age of 18 (been drinking since i was 14 and never been carded at even bars) I actually learned a surprising amount about how parents react to substance abuse. My parents obviously did not condone my habits as a younger teen, however at around 16 going on 17 they decided to preach responsibility as opposed to abstinence. As a parent you should expect your children will experiment, but teach them how to be responsible. My parents for example allow me to drink in the house with them, and when I go to parties, they tell me they are always an option for a ride, which I utilize often. My parents have raised me in a way which has lead to a 0%! chance of drunk driving. Hard illegal drugs are another story as they bring on the consequences of both bodily damage and social damage. De-mystifying alcohol has actually decreased my interest in hard drugs which I have never experimented with.
Every child is different and a person who does not use any drugs (including alcohol and tobacco) has my respect. However be prepared for the likely chance that he or she will experiment. If you do not believe your child is responsible or mature enough to drink then simply do not let them. However a time will come where it will be very accessible to them and you may need to start thinking about teaching responsibility. If your child is reaching adulthood (yes adulthood does come at 18 not 21) chances are you should focus on the latter.
True, Im not a parent, and no I do not know everything, I just thought I would give a little insight from a teen's point of view. How you raise your teen is up to you but I believe preparing teens for the real world in anyway is a lot better than sheltering it from them, and alcohol is very much a part of the real world like it or not.
This has been very useful. Thanks alot
As a teenager i got a tell you, drinking and smoking weed is some fun shit, but as much fun as it is, its depressing if your parents find out because you feel guiltly for doing something you enjoy. Sorry im a little drunk right know and am just thinking how fucked im gonna be tommorrow mourning.
Ps. I'm spelling pretty good for being fuckfaced drunk right know.
trashh this hib is a load of shit. what kind of teen wants to come home trashed. they stay out at a friends house or, sleep in their car. not that hard, hey mom im staying at robs. rob says he is staying at my house it all works out perfect.
im 14 and i do smoke pot and drink regularly. my mom lets me drink as long as im with her and i promise i wont be stupid:p my parents do not know i do drugs but im planning on telling them soon(once i get the corage)i have came home high and drunk before and never got caught. But everyday i feel guilty hiding stuff from my parents as everybody should if theyre doing somthing illeagal behind thier back. i have never experimented with hard drungs and im not planning on ever doing so. i got started by peer presure. i always thought id be the one to turn down drugs but when i first tried it i was under alot of stress and needed somthing to take it away so my cousin offered and i accepted and now i toke up at least 3 times a week:)
P.S. i just quit smoking ciggeretts and it was the hardest thing ive ever done in my life!
This post is stupid. It is Sokol easy to get by parents when you're drunk or high so this article doesn't help at all lol
I love getting drunk and having sex with weirdos lol
Parents need to realize that a looooot of kids drink and smoke and they need to let it happen but tell their kids to use in moderation it will help the kid to be more open and less secretive
Just wanted to offer some more hiding places... Pillow cAses, in piles of cloths, dresser drawers, the top of a moving fan, inside a closet above the door, look for cut holes in the boxspings of a bed, and my favorite Air conditoning vents that can easily be unscrewed. These Are commonly used places to hide a stash... I should kno I'm a teen
there isn't much you can really do to stop a kid from smoking.. I've been arrested but continue... The sad truth is if your child wants it bad enough ther is really no way to prevent it. But I would say if u do find out that ur teenage child is smoking or drinking show them that you still love them. Try to make a strong connection with them. Then if their negative habbits continue talk with them and try to work it out.
Don't jump to punishment... I know for a fact that this will just leed to childs anger at parents and continued if not intensified drug use. So if u find out your child is abusing a substance talk with them and try to figure out why because most of the time there is a real reason behind it and if ignored this reason will get much worse.
Anouther drug used by some teenagers is nutmeg... In about 2 tablespoon dossages it can cause halucigins... Symptoms are similar to use of weed but as nutmeg is eaten it causes terrible dry mouth that lasts for several days so if u notice that ur teen is drinking unusuall amounts of water and is shaking and paranoid consalt them about the issue
Overall kids have reasons for their acctions even if u adults don't understand them atleast try... Or maybe get some counciling it helped me a lot.
Is this stuff for real.... Really just let the stoners smoke... It's better that they get over the habit when they're still young
thanks, now i know what my parents will be looking for, and i know how to avoid all these stated facts. ahahahha
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank. You. I desperately needed to know whether my teen is smoking "pot" or not because my dealer was recently arrested and I am in quite the bind. Well, bound no longer. Don't let anyone ever tell you knowledge isn't power!
Im a teenager with a 3.5 GPA and im class president at my High School of over 3000 kids. I chew tabacco smoke and drink. Just except the fact that your teens will do this too just make sure they are safe about it. Getting them in trouble does no good as soon as were done being grounded we go kill another bottle of jack to celebrate. So stop being gay liberal parents!!
i drink and i have smoked (dont smoke weed anymore). im 17. my parents dissaprove of this but they have also told me if i ever need a ride just call them and have told me to be responsible. some people will say thats bad parenting. if they ever told me not to drink and your grounded for doing it i would just sneak out. i tell them where i am and what i am doing, if im gonna be drinking they know about it. i tell them if im staying the night or have a designated driver. and they say ok be careful. because they know they cant stop me from doing it but they make sure im ok. if they just grounded me or yelled at me for it i wouldnt be so open to them.
protip-keep eye drops, change cloths and dont eat.
Easy as that not to get caught kids :)
hi all thanks for responding, i've been lazy recently. so here goes to my latest readers:P
@noworries, being drunk is definitely hard to cover up. my husband drinks just a little, like maybe a car or 2 or a bottle, and he smells-_- but like a good wife, i tolerate. what to do sigh
@smoka, kids these days are definitely getting smarter. i should know with my 7 n 2 yr old. sheesh thanks for your tip regarding weed. i'm one of those who have just heard about it but not seen it. and am proud of that ehehe i don't mind a little smoke and alcohol. like you said, we can compromise but drugs is going to be tough on both the child and the family.
@asdf, wow drinking since 14? that's young, really young. your parents have done a great job raising you right. you really sound mature, i'm happy(don't know why lol) there is truth in what you have said. parents need to keep an open mind too, as the youth these days have become more open and are more likely to drink. alhough i'm a parent, i'm betting you'll respect me too as i've never drunk nor done drugs. even after marriage, i have been coaxed to drink, even by my hubby. and yes, if we limit our drinking, there is medicinal benefits but still, personally, i didn't really like the taste when i had a sip during my confinement. and i agree with your belief in preparing teens for the real world rather than sheltering them. thanks so much for the great insight^_^
@smoka, glad to be useful, no prob
@alex, there's nothing to feel guilty for in doing something you enjoy. rather you should feel guilty because if they find out, they'll most likely be crushed. but at least, you feel it, and no worries, you're spelling alright even when drunk. cool
@teen, my sis who's 21 does that, and those who do that might think they're safe or well the parents can't do anything. in a way, you're right, not all parents can do anything as they love the child too much to do something. but they'll be hurting.
@toker, i'm glad that both you and your mom have an understanding. i hope that you'll gather up courage to tell her. and maybe gather up even more courage to try and quit drugs with her help. many of the teens started because of peer pressure. you have my utmost respect for being able to quit smoking. kudos to you:)
@ryan, slut, thanks
@random, you have great tips. this is the first i've heard of some myself lol, aircon??? haha it is hard to believe that you're a teen, the advice you've given is great, really helpful thanks so much esp for the drug advice.
@wow,yadunson, yes it's for real, well if we wait for the children to outgrow or something it might be too late. and you might be able to hide for a long time, but sooner or later, you'll be found out and consequences might be dire.
@chico, Thank YOU too, yes, knowledge is power and if anyone tells me otherwise, i know better.
@mackster, yes most parents these days are more open minded but there are still places that are really conservative. and you'd be surprised to know how conservative they really are.
@bud4life, you definitely sound like my sister and she's 21-_- i was hoping she'd mature a little but still the same. my parents disapprove too and when she says she's staying out late, what can they do, they just say ok with some scoldings of course, esp my mom. but my sis won't know, how much they worry, she just wants to enjoy herself. there is a time for that. you enjoy, but if you hurt others to enjoy, there is no joy i feel.
@kyle, 'nice'advice, thanks for the response
i've actually come here a long time later and have seen that recently most are teens. i'm happy that at least, they bother enough to search for the topic and read, or even if they come across by chance,they respond, makes me happy, thanks everyone^_^
I am 16 and like to getdrunk with friends and occasionally smoke weed if the opportunity arises. My parents will let me have a beer (or a couple) if were with certain people like chill relatives as opposes to my douche aunt (nah shes nice just has common misconceptions about alcohol and weed). My grandparents even give me wine and stuff when im with them when were not around my younger cousins. Anyway my parents would flip shit if they knew i drank with friends not cuz im not the "magic number" of 21 yet, but cuz theyre worried about me being responsible (which i am). if they knew i smoked weed, my parents would have a fucking heart attack and send me to rehab or something ridiculous like that. The fact is it is impossible to get physically addicted to marijuana and those that become mentally "addicted" to it already have an "addictive personality" and are just as likely to become addicted to gambling or video games. Those likely to become mentally addicted to it are using it to escape from reality and deal with the stresses of everyday life as opposed to the majority of marijuana users who use it to have a good time and have a couple laughs wih friends. I hope i have made things clearer for you.
Thanks for the tips on how to hide my partying from my parents haha
Some of this info is just plain false like for instance weed doesnt make ur pupils constrict lol wow it makes them huge like youve just been in a cave for an hour
listen i m 15 years old n ur kids can get around all of that... at every party wen ur done u will go get some bread n water to silver up on n some mint flavored gum n for the eyes almost everybody has eyedropss tht make the redness go away n we ask around for ppl wit colon so if ur kid comes home n he is nervouse n his palms r sweaty n if they smell of colonge then thats a pointer.
@funtimes, you are lucky in the sense that your parents are open enough to let you have beer. there are some parents in conservative societies like mine, (of course not my parents though) that would, like you said, have a heart attack. it's that extreme. but you have a good point point. those who are addicted might actually be running away from reality. not all of course, but definitely some. you have made things clearer to me. it's good to know standpoints from different angles. thanks for responding.
@haha, glad to help haha^_^
@comeonreally, truthfully, i wasn't sure about the pupils thingeeas i had actually read about it from another site but thanks for the information.
@zerikbeachwood, thanks for your pointer. that's definitely a good sign to look out for. thanks for responding.
I think parents are fukin stupid, im 15 almost 16 and parents like u make me want to go out and get stoned everyday, may i ask if you are christian cos that seems to be a big thing stopping me from gettin wasted with friends. my parents not letting me makes me want to do it more. and thanks to them i now do weed cos the effects are shorter. :) so in a way thank you
have you tried weed? it is not addicting and is really good for a good time, you darling have not lived i'm sorry to say. I am a lawyer 35 years old, i have an income of 500,000+ a year and live with my wife and 3 kids. We live a perfect life and i smoke weed once a week to keep me how I am, which is a friendly, well known lawyer. Weed makes things easier and is great in moderation, I have been doing it since i have been 12
@whoever, some parents might be as you said, stupid but not all are like that. they just want better for you although you might be tired of hearing that all the time. i know, since my parents or rather my mom, used to tell me that often, albeit for a different reason. and no, i'm not a christian. i'm a free thinker. thanks for your response.
@wow, i've actually not tried anything at all. you seem to be doing really well and it's good to know that you are able to limit yourself and not get 'stoned' as some have put it. i agree that i might not have lived life to the fullest, but then again, i'm kind of a boring person and so far, my route's been like planned or flowing along for me. so i've never really felt the need to indulge myself although my husband actually encourages to take up alcohol in moderation, saying it's good for me. i know that, but i just don't like the taste. thanks for your response.
Thanks for the info. Now I know what to do next time I come home wasted.
seriously??? I am a teen and When parents over react on everything and just explode! it just pushes us farther and farther away. I have gotten away with a lot of things , and neither of my parentss found out. Why dont You guys actually just leave us alone.
glad to be of help there john. and well sneaky, some parents do react on everything i agree but there are others who are tolerant and can come to a compromise with their children. there are some parents like me who would like to know if their children are doing something a little too extreme so that we can help them, of course not by exploding but by talking to them seriously. getting angry doesn't solve anything i believe for both parties, the children and the parents.
Wow are you serious... I agree with mosto
thanks, well topic is serious for parents and even for children. thanks, appreciate it.:)
I am joining the club because I accidentally found out my 14 yrear old and his older brother have been drinking. Both honors students, both club level athletes in high school. I am discouraged and disappointed because I felt that as parents, my husband and I have talked with our children. I felt we had a good relationship with them both. I am wondering how to approach them ...Some things are now staring to make sense...older son having more Friday night sleepovers with his friends at our house...basement, yup, there's a bar. Actually liking to go sledding for hours...hmmm. Any thoughts??? The relationship is ok, not great...I don't want it to go to worse...
Ever think up just asking them straight up if they're doing drugs? Geez, talk about trust!
@joining the club, i am one too although it's not my children but my younger sister. imagine my surprise when i found out that drinks alcohol and all as i've never even thought about it and didn't like it when i was told to have a little dom after my pregnancy. now she's drinking, smoking and who knows what else.
well personally, i feel that drinking within limits and at times, not often, is fine. so long as they don't stray. you might want to talk frankly and openly with your children and maybe...try to come to a compromise? so long as you guys are fine with the situation, i feel that that would be fine and wouldn't worsen the relationship.
@mel, as for asking them, yes i have asked straight up if she's been doing drugs or alcohol. that was the first time i suspected. she flat out said no. but a few days later, i found proof that she was doing the former at least. i trust her but this being a sensitive topic, of course, not all children will tell the truth.
thanks for responding guys.
your sister does drugs? that's weird. i think she doesn't and you're just letting your suspicions run wild. maybe she cant admit to the cigarettes or alcohol because she knows you or your parents are going to freak out? thus children prefer concealing and lying..rather than having to face the truth and face a rap or two from parents, who just want the best for their children. parents should be a friend sometimes..cos who knows, that could be what their kids really need. not alcohol or cigarettes. just a friend.
This is so fucking dumb. Let teenagers have some fun. I'm an honor student who was severely depressed and the occasional marijuana or alcohol use has brought me back to my happy self. I continue to be am honor student, I am very responsible, and neither has gotten in the way of school or my future. I'm 15 by the way. I hate stupid fucking parents like you. Not every teenager that likes to have fun is an unmotivated piece of shit.
@isabelle and the other dimwits above
ur age does not matter and sminut is merely giving her opinions as a mom and a third party. no harm done.
also, she is a mother now, and so is ur and everyone else's parents...but know that once they were kids too. it is stupid one sided comments like urs that makes these topics less fun to read.
and please keep ur words to urself when u call others a "stupid fucking parent" ur gonna be one one day and ur parent is one too. i hope u wont live to see the day when some bitch or bastard calls u a fucking stupid parent.
and oh lastly, ur not the only teen who believes that we should have fun every once in a while. And just to clear ur pea brain, this article is aimed towards parents on how to softly, yet in a nice way, know if kids are doing smth, not so they can be yelled or reprimanded at, but just for the ease of parents mind!!!
fuck tard.
My son was drinking continuously for 4 years. My grand dad told about Ayurvedic Medicine which if taken once, the alcoholic would completely stop drinking. Taking that tablet just one time is enough. It will do the magic. And the cost is also very less, it was something like 50$ 2 years back. Now i think its 75$. Still its worth, because for quitting Alcohol, you are spending just 75$ which is far cheaper than your one night alcohol spending :)
Anyways am leading a happy family now. I googled and found the website, it is www.CureAddicts.com.
You'll never catch us ;)
as a teenager who has experienced being drunk (and trying to hide it from my parents), and also as a human with a conscience, I can tell you that half the time I choose not to drink at parties simply because I don't have the energy to lie to my parents.. if I'm going to be sleeping over anyway, and it's a totally safe environment, I know my limit and drink within it. but like I said, if your kid has any kind of conscience and they know you don't want them drinking, they will use their judgement correctly.
when you look back on your high school years, you're not going to remember all those nights you stayed in studying. dont let your parents hold you back from living. but remember, they put you on this earth and they most likely want to keep you on it!
be responsible, know your limit, and NEVER drive drunk.
i am a 15 year old teenage girl and i find this article interesting. I do drink, and my parents basically know i do.I only have come completely shitfaced once, when i got caught the first time. Now, whenever i come, my parents will sometimes ask me i drank. I'll tell them yes, a couple of beers and wine coolers. They think this is fine, because they know i will drink anyway. They dont condone the whole drinking thing, but they dont punish me if i admit it either. I am the youngest one in my extended family, so my older cousins allow me to drink with them. I personally think that parents should not be so strict with drinking. If they're child is using hard drugs, then they should be mad. But if its just drinking, it should not be totally blown out of proportion.
thanks all for responding and sorry for the late reply.
@isabelle, well michael_michelle1 has more or less said all that needs to be said by me, thanks michael:)
and yes, i'm not telling you, ohh don't have fun, or don't let your kids have fun. i'm just saying to do it within your limits and if you do that, then that's good. but there are those who don't or don't know how to.
i appreciate getting your criticisms and opinions, even if they don't agree with me or this article, but please do mind your language. i didn't know being an honour student, you could say those words. since you are one, you should know that you're setting a bad example not just here but in your life.
@happy mom, i'm glad that you have a happy family now. good for you, does that medicine really work?? let me know. thanks
@anonymous, thanks for your response. that's very good advice. that's the main thing i guess for those who drink, to drink within their limits and be responsible. you wouldn't want your loved ones to be cleaning up after you. you wouldn't like it too if you were in that situation.
@sophia, it's good that you tell the truth, and i'd be the same as your parents too. if my child admitted they drank, i wouldn't really scold them as they're telling me the truth and not trying to hide it. of course, there'd be some 'advice' lol
and i guess most parents tend to give out free advice as they're worried their children won't be able to control themselves, especially among their friends. we all know that it's hard to say no.
thanks all for your responses once again.
I am a twenty one year old father of two and kids, I just went through that stage and it scares the hell out of me knowing my kids will too. You won't listen either way, but believe me drugs are not the answer to anything. Been there done that glad I quit. Just my two cents.
Listen, soda is worse than weed for you. Seriously. There are no recorded deaths with weed intake, it is recommended for people with cancer, AIDS, anorexia, clinical depression, etc, while soda is recommended you have absolutely none, and it can lead to obesity. Drinking alcohol may not be all good, but let us have our fun before we are presented with all of these responsibilities of being an adult. Marijuana only contains THC, which ONLY leads to temporary imparement. Weed has NO addictive chemicals, psychological addiction is possible, but you can avoid that if you accept that your kids do it, and just give limits, say only twice a week. On the other hand soda contains high fructose corn syrup and caffeine, which are very addictive chemicals.
I hope all of you parents can see things from out point of view, and don't think I'm a maniac.
-Ty
I'm also completely against tobacco usage, in every form.
Check out this link by the way:
While I agree with the sentiment of this post there are quite a few things missing/wrong with the detection. This is coming from a recent teenager, one of the easiest ways to tell especially if your child is the class clown is when they are acting like they are part of an inside joke you are not aware of. I used to drink at home in front of my mother, I would even tell her I was drinking, believe it or not this stopped almost all suspicion that I was drinking away from home.(Oh and when searching the room check trophies, most are hollow and can easily hold a pack of cigarettes or enough cocaine to send the entire household away.)
I found liquor in my 18 year old daughter's closet today. (a lot and most drank out of). How should my husband and I confront her without causing her to rebel worse?
some interesting stuff here. I thought i'd add my .02. @ihavequestions. your daughter is expecting a harsh punishment if she gets caught. if you confront her harshly theres the chance she could storm out of the house, and since she's 18 you cant stop her. the last thing you want to do is corner her. My suggestion is to approach her in the least expected way when you know she is sober. an extreme way to do this would be to enter the room with liquor and make her start taking shots with you. this has to be done quick enough to induce vomiting. say nothing else and leave the room. this may seem on the extreme side but you get the picture. you cant punish this with yelling or the usual grounding. you have to do what she least expects
helenathegreat 4 years ago
Very comprehensive hub on a very important topic. Great job!